Count Your Blessings
October 29, 2009 at 2:29 am | In Health | Leave a CommentTags: depression, Skills, Vitamin D, Well Being
When I was younger I spent a week every summer at church camp with a friend of mine. We attended many church services and heard many sermons in those weeks but I remember one in particular. The minister was discussing the habit most people have of using prayer strictly for asking for things. He suggested that people set aside time to pray for the sole purpose of expressing gratitude.
It turns out that there is something to the idea of counting your blessings. A recent study from York University (Mongrain & Sergeant, 2009) found that having people write out 5 things a day that they were grateful for, reduced depression and increased well-being. This exercise was especially helpful for people who tended to be negative thinkers.
So it seems that being grateful and optimistic are strongly linked and the good news (for all you pessimists) is that it can be learned. This short practice helps you to flex your happy muscles (well that sounds a bit naughty). Anyway, this is a lovely exercise for anyone who is struggling with depression or would just like to feel more joy.
Today’s Mood Lifting Prescription:
Take your vitamin D, exercise, and write out 5 things you are happy about in your life (no matter how small). What a simple way to improve your mood.
Family Dinner
October 16, 2009 at 1:13 am | In Health, Lifestyle | Leave a CommentTags: Family Meal, holidays, Nutrition
As fall progresses, we continue to harvest wonderful autumn vegetables and my thoughts have turned to holiday meals and gathering with family.
Growing up my family always ate dinner together. We even took turns cooking for each other so my mom wouldn’t have to cook every night. By 11 I had my own night to plan the evening meal. That’s not to say that everything we ate together was particularly healthy and it usually wasn’t made from scratch or organic. But we were nurtured by each other’s company and we knew the details of each other’s lives.
There are many reasons to encourage families to eat dinner together. Numerous studies point to the benefits for children. Children who live in homes where the family eats dinner together the majority of the time are less likely to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide. They are also more likely to do well in school, delay having sex, eat healthier foods and learn social graces. It also seems that families who eat together regularly have less tension and more intimate conversation.
There are benefits for adults too. This is a wonderful way to reconnect with your family and to know what challenges and joys your loved-ones are experiencing. It is also a time to set aside stress and resentment from the day and to eat in a mindful way. You are more likely to enjoy your meal, feel satisfied, and avoid later snacking.
Even if you don’t have children or they have left home, and even if you live alone there is still value in making a ritual out of mealtime. Turn off the TV. Take your time and think of cooking as an opportunity for spiritual nourishment rather than just another chore.
As the holidays approach, we set aside time for grand celebrations but every evening meal can be a small celebration of the many blessings that we experience throughout the day. Every dinner provides time for you to nurture your family and yourself. Give yourself the gift of the present moment and enjoy the harvest.
How I Survive Sports
October 6, 2009 at 8:59 pm | In 1, Lifestyle | Leave a CommentTags: Humor, Sports, Survival Tips
Last night many Milwaukee sports fans were glued to the TV set for the Packers/Vikings game. We were at a game-night party ourselves. I have married into Packers fandom but the truth is I am more interested in the snacks or even the commercials than the games. I was just not raised in a sport-loving family.
I have come up with a few ways to entertain myself through the many baseball, football, basketball, golf, soccer, tennis, ping pong, and competitive basket weaving competitions that are on in my house. I have decided to share them with my fellow fans of sports fans.
1) Monday Night Football is a great time for head scratches. My husband has discovered that a great way to keep me happy and quiet during a big game is to scratch my head until I fall asleep on the couch. I LOVE MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!
2) Baseball players do tremendously funny things when they are getting ready to bat. They adjust the velcro on their gloves, fix their shirts, wiggle their nose, kick the bat, and chant spells. I have tried to memorize all the Milwaukee Brewers’ team member’s batting superstitions. I then develop little yoga routines to help these guys with their inevitable repetitive motion injuries.
3) People who attend sporting events are very entertaining to watch when the game gets boring. Just the outfits alone will last you an hour.
4) I had a supervisor once who taught me that if you ever want to really get to know sports fans, don’t worry so much about what team they support but why. Some guys love the underdog, others always support the home team. Some people can’t resist a fine upstanding coach and others love the bad boys. As a psychologist, it is really interesting to ask people these questions. Try asking someone in Wisconsin how they feel about Brett Favre. It’s like a window to their soul.
5) There is nothing that will make golf or tennis entertaining so just get away from the TV as quick as you can and do something else.
6) Remember that these long sporting events are actually fun and entertainment for the people who watch them. Be nice and try not to interrupt too much. If you must talk, then ask questions about the players.
7) There is always some very important sporting event on at almost any hour of the day so you better create a darn good distraction if you live with a true sports fan and you have something else to do.
8) If you are attending a sporting event, find out what colors the other team is wearing and avoid wearing it. It makes people cranky.
These tips may not change your life but they have certainly helped me learn to enjoy sports. After a while, you may even find yourself having fun.
The Power of Play
September 16, 2009 at 3:45 pm | In Health, Lifestyle | Leave a CommentTags: National Institute for Play, Play, Speaking of Faith
I heard a great interview on Speaking of Faith on NPR a few weeks ago. Stuart Brown, MD is the founder and director of the National Institute for Play. This organization is devoted to research and initiatives which promote play as a therapeutic and necessary part of life for both adults and children.
Dr. Brown asserted that play can promote good health, better relationships, stronger character, mental alertness, and increased creativity. AMEN!
We just don’t seem to make enough time for play. We hurry around running errands and getting things accomplished but it is equally important to express ourselves and have fun for fun’s sake. Dr. Brown emphasizes this point. Play does not have to be for some greater purpose, although this seems to follow naturally. Play isn’t really play unless it is pure enjoyment. It can also include things like reading, games, and puzzles.
Wouldn’t it be cool if your doctor started to prescribe play for your health. Imagine therapeutic golf and medicinal trashy novels. Perhaps even a low dose of hiking in the woods. That is the kind of treatment I would enjoy.
In fact, I think I need a cycle of prescription strength gardening right now…
Book Reports: Food Matters/Animal, Vegetable, Miracle
September 11, 2009 at 9:42 pm | In 1, Conscience, Health, Lifestyle | Leave a CommentTags: Animal Vegetable Miracle, Book Report, Food Matters, Healthy Food
There is a series of commercials on TV these days where one person asks another person a question and they just keep spouting out random information that is loosely related to the words the other person just said. It’s a nice demonstration of the information overload that we experience in our modern world.
As Uncle Ben said to Peter Parker (Spider Man for those of you who aren’t into that kind of thing) “With great power comes great responsibility.”
All this information has me feeling confused and overwhelmed. You’ll be shocked to know that the focus of the confusion is food. I believe it is safe to say that I am firmly planted in a food phase. I have been pickling and canning tomatoes and freezing peppers and harvesting veggies and herbs from my very small garden.
I’ve also been reading. I recently read Food Matters by Mark Bittman which encourages the reader to eat less meat and less processed foods. The first half of the book explains why this is important (including both personal health and environmental concerns) and the second half provides recipes for putting his plan into action. I really appreciate his full month of menus to help you organize his recipes. I have been making his homemade granola and wheat bread every week for the last month. Pretty tasty. I also like that his recipes are very easy and flexible. He really encouraged you to try new things and adapt to your own taste.
I am pretty sure I am not saving any money by making my own granola and bread. First of all, I get a little crazy in the bulk aisle and add a lot of crazy things. Also, the ingredients tend to come from varied cities so I don’t see how that will save the environment. It is definitely more natural and probably healthier so that’s a step in the right direction.
The main idea here is that by eating less meat and more simple foods, you will reduce the environmental impact of your meals while reducing your exposure to preservatives and additives.
I also just finished Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver with Steven L Hopp and Camille Kingsolver. I have been avoiding this book for a while because I had read that it was a bit preachy and I was afraid it would inspire me to move to a farm and raise all my own food. Needless to say, I am still a city girl.
Kingsolver writes about her family’s experience of committing to year of cultivating most of their own food while obtaining any additional items from local or fair trade sources. The woman raised her own turkeys for Pete’s sake! That is definitely not allowed in my neighborhood. However, I really admire her passion and creativity.
She encourages readers to consider how they might change their buying habits to support more local farmers and producers. Unlike Bittman, she does not discourage meat consumption but she does support eating less processed foods.
One interesting thing I noticed was that neither of these authors are that impressed with organic labels. They both comment on the way that some bigger producers are lobbying to relax the guidelines and controls on the organic label. They also point out that many organic foods are still shipped from great distances.
Folks, I have no idea what to tell you. I feel like most trips to the grocery store are full of ethical dilemmas. Once you open up to these issues, it is a very slippery slope. I try to stay informed and to be mindful about what I feed my family and the impact my consumption has on the planet. I can admit to getting pretty excited when I find products that are locally produced and organic.
I think there is value in staying informed and putting thought into what you eat. We so often sleep walk through life and this is a good way to slow down and consider what consequences may result from our actions. It is a good practice in most areas of life.
For now, I will continue making my granola, canning, reading labels, shopping at the farmers’ market and hoping that we can keep our planet healthy long enough for my grandchildren to worry about the same things.
Yoga Breathing
September 9, 2009 at 1:48 am | In Health | Leave a CommentTags: breathing, pranayama, yoga
One of the best things about being related to a bunch of news junkies is that my family is always sending me great articles related to my areas of interest. My sister-in-law just sent me a great article about the benefits of breathing in yoga.
Anyone who has attended my workshops has received training in breathing for relaxation. Yoga offers a wonderful venue for maximizing the power of breath work. Pranayama (breath control) is an important part of serious yoga practice and can be used to increase calm or energy, bring the body into balance, slow heart rate, and enhance meditation.
Most yoga classes in the U.S. neglect this practice but many of the most notable yogis in the world have set aside yoga postures in their own personal practice and focus almost exclusively on breathing and meditation. This kind of intense work can be dangerous without the proper training and should be learned from a competent instructor.
You can begin to practice in your usual yoga class by coordinating each movement to an inhale or exhale. You will notice that your instructor often provides this guidance for you. Remember to keep breathing throughout the practice (always through the nose). This practice will open the body slowly and gently and help you go deeper into postures while increasing overall focus.
In Your Face(book)
September 2, 2009 at 3:41 pm | In Lifestyle | 2 CommentsTags: Facebook, Relationships, Technophobia, Twitter
Recently I checked in on a friend’s website to see if he had posted any new articles. He is a tremendously talented and funny writer and for years I (and many others) have been begging him to take his talent more public. I am excited to report that he has done so but this means he doesn’t really have time to update his site. On a whim I clicked on a link to his professional work. I was shocked to read an article which described how he had recently moved after his house was broken into.
I hadn’t heard about either incident.
I sent him an email (he prefers email to phone calls) to express my surprise and to ask for a forwarding address. He was annoyed by my surprise and counseled me to consult his Twitter page as a means of receiving regular updates on his life. In fact, he recently wrote an article about the incident. And here I am blogging about it (irony?)
I have fully accepted my reputation as a technophobic person. I carried around an ancient phone until my husband bought me a new one. I keep appointments in an enormous appointment book IN PENCIL! Both of my parents had iPods before me and gave me the one I own now. Mine is a very slow recovery.
One medium I have actively resisted is Facebook. As a psychologist I don’t particularly want my personal information so easily accessible. I don’t even want to begin to speculate on the psychological impact of having your therapist reject your request to “friend” them. I also don’t really want to resume communication with long lost high school friends. I just assume there is a reason I lost touch with them in the first place.
Last week’s Wall Street Journal featured an article entitled How Facebook Ruins Friendships . I think the article is a little harsh. While I am not particularly interested in reading the micro details of my friends’ days, I am not bothered by them being available to others. What concerns me is the emotional consequences of the gap in interpersonal interaction that is inherent in a public and electronic forum.
I might keep regular updates if I were on Facebook but I can assure you that I would be editing my real thoughts for the crowd. I am an extrovert and I enjoy the messy, candid, and energetic experience of a dialogue. I don’t want to passively check in on people and keep them “informed”. Half the time I don’t even know how I really feel about things until I have discussed them with someone else.
We are social animals that need to hear, see, and touch each other to sense the true and complete nature of what is being communicated. I can’t imagine trying to market Twitter psychotherapy or just check in on a major art museum’s Facebook page to “hear” about how the artworks are doing.
I remember having a conversation with my aforementioned friend last summer about “refrigerator friends.” He told me that he wanted to have the kind of friends that could walk into his house and help themselves to a turkey sandwich. I knew exactly how he felt. It implies a level of intimacy and comfort that is increasingly rare as we spread across the globe.
I fear that Facebook may drag us into another type of relationship in which perceptions and thoughts are distilled and filtered to a bland but palatable snack. Snacking cannot maintain us. We need to sit regularly together and share a good meal.
I invite you to seek substance with the people in your life. Quality over quantity. Come to the table with your friends. Let them snoop through your refrigerator (literally and figuratively). Welcome all the unedited chaos of the human experience. Our unique authenticity cannot be summarized in 140 characters.
Mommy Makeover
August 20, 2009 at 2:13 am | In Lifestyle | 1 CommentTags: new mom, self-care, Time Management
Sometimes it is best to set aside some time for yourself. It may seem like a long time to do something just for you but you likely will feel more efficient, relaxed, and grateful when you return to your regularly scheduled life. I find this difficult to do at times. I am laughing at my own learning process. See the example below for my latest (extremely profound) revelation…
New Mommy Pedicure:
1. Arrange for hubby to watch the little one for a few hours.
2. Meet 2 friends for lunch and ice cream.
3. Go to a nice little nail place and get pampered.
4. Leave feeling refreshed and cute.
5. Arrive home feeling renewed and thinking your daughter is the cutest child on the planet.
Total Time: 3 hours
New Mommy Manicure:
1. Decide that you wash your hands so many times between changing diapers and washing bottles that it is not worth paying to have your nails done.
2. File your nails in the car on the way to a family dinner.
3. Wait two days and remember to put on a base coat after baby goes to sleep.
4. The next morning realize you don’t have any polish colors that you like.
5. Two days later remember to pick up a color you like while out shopping.
6. Re-apply base coat which has worn off.
7. The next day, apply color while baby is sleeping.
8. Baby wakes up early from her nap and you smudge the color when you pick her up.
9. Patch up color during baby’s next nap.
10. Remember that you never painted your nails before baby came and wonder why you felt the need to start now.
Total Time: 1 week
The Journey
August 6, 2009 at 2:24 am | In Conscience, Lifestyle | Leave a CommentTags: cross cultural communication, Dervla Murphy, Tolerance, Travel
I was watching Transsiberian last night and one character says to the other “It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.”
On vacation we are often looking to just get “away”.
I don’t have any problem with a vacation for vacation’s sake but traveling to truly experience another country (or even a place different from your own) can have its own rewards. Having a genuine experience of another culture can increase understanding and openness. This was the premise of the Peace Corps. Not to change the world but to change our ideas about the world.
I am currently reading Full Tilt: Ireland to India with a Bicycle by Dervla Murphy. This is the true story of a woman who biked alone from Europe to India in 1963. She didn’t have any corporate sponsors or support vans. She was obviously a little bit crazy but she is a wonderful writer and I adore her self-deprecating humor. What has me most intrigued though is her love for people and her tolerance for differences.
She writes after leaving Afghanistan and entering Pakistan…
I’m feeling rather miserable today, having left the Hindu Kush behind, yet the past weeks have given me something that I know will prove permanent. It may sound ridiculous, but I feel I’ve been privileged to see Man at this best — still in possession of the sort of liberty and dignity that we have exchanged for what it pleases us to call ‘progress’. Even a brief glimpse of what we were is valuable to help to understand what we are.
I was especially intrigued by her thoughts on travel in general…
To them [young Western travelers] travel is more a ‘going away from’ rather than a ‘going towards’, and they seem empty and unhappy and bewildered and pathetically anxious for companionship, yet are afraid to commit themselves to any ideal or cause or other individual…..He always holds himself aloof from the people he travels among – not through hostility or superiority but through a strange unconsciousness of the unity of mankind.
When commenting on expatriates in Pakistan she says…
The attitude is that the ‘natives; are people to be observed from a discreet distance and photographed as often as possible, but not lived among. The result is boredom and an obsessional longing for home. The collecting of souvenirs seems to be a substitute for the cheaper and richer experience of being temporarily integrated in the life of the country. Apparently if you can bring home to Malbern or Minneapolis or Munich a sufficiently overwhelming bulk of ‘typical native products’ this concrete evidence of your travels is enough.
I felt deeply connected to Dervla when reading these passages. I almost cried I felt so strongly about her words. I have lived in Mexico and Guatemala for several months at a time. Spending extended periods of time living with people from another country has shaped my view of the world. It has made me more conscientious and less likely to stereotype groups of people.
My most treasured memories of past travels have been those of the people I have met. There was an extremely talented stained glass maker in Mexico who had my husband and I ready to start an import business. There was an Italian restaurant owner in France who told us about his childhood in boarding school. There was my Spanish teacher in Guatemala with whom I spent the summer sharing her concerns about her daughters upcoming wedding. There was a little girl in an orphanage where I volunteered in Mexico who was smarter than I’ll ever be and was my best Spanish teacher. There was a brutally honest and seriously funny Canadian priest in Tanzania who became my husband’s mentor for the two years he was in Africa (He also told me I was a bit skinny for his taste).
If it is possible to fall in love with people for a moment in time then I have done so. I believe these moments when we lay aside our differences and laugh together and share our common experience…these are great treasures.
On your next journey into a challenging and uncomfortable situation, consider the benefits you may gain from truly witnessing another person’s experience. Consider what we all have to gain from making the world feel smaller and more cozy. Consider how much more fun it would be if we viewed every encounter as a potential for friendship and enjoyment.
This is the beginning of a journey worth taking.
Ashtanga Yoga
July 27, 2009 at 3:09 am | In Lifestyle | Leave a CommentTags: Ashtanga, Humility, Invivo Classes
I took an Ashtanga yoga workshop with PJ Heffernan this weekend at Invivo in Milwaukee. I haven’t worked my body like that since before I was pregnant. It felt wonderful and awful at the same time. Today I hurt everywhere.
Ashtanga is a very old traditional form of yoga with prescribed movements. A dedicated practitioner can work their way through several levels knows as series. It is traditionally done 6 days a week except for the full moon and the new moon. Women are to rest during their “moon cycle” as well.
This is the kind of yoga that very fit people do. It can also make you very strong and flexible. This is the kind of yoga that people think of when they say “I can’t do all those crazy positions.” It is full of interesting contortions which blow your mind when you first see them.
I think that it is a beautiful practice. However, our western culture tends to turn it into something competitive or showy. True Ashtanga practitioners surrender to the practice and use it as a learning experience. The sheer intensity can teach lessons about discipline, self-restraint and humility.
I believe humility was the lesson of the day for me. My body has changed and my focus is divided. However, just being there gave me the opportunity to start rebuilding my practice and to take some time to go deep within and get to know this new person I have become as a mom.
I am interested in making time for more Ashtanga. I am excited that PJ’s apprentice Larissa will be offering Ashtanga classes at Invivo starting next month. Check out the class schedule for more information.
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